I don’t get what I have to do. I know you think I’m overemotional. But when we’re laying in bed together and you’re texting everyone and I’m just sitting there like a puppy waiting for your attention, I don’t think its wrong for me to be upset. You’re laying there and you’re too tired to talk to me, and too tired to do anything with me but everytime your phone makes a noise you quickly pick it up. How am I supposed to feel? Like I could be completely naked and on top of you and you’d still be picking up your phone to talk to whoever the fuck you’re talking to.
I’m so fucking paranoid. I’m so scared you’ll wake up one morning and your feelings won’t be the same. I’m scared you’ll get bored of me. I want to be the best. I want to be your everything. Everyday. I never want this to fall away.
I love you, so much. You have no idea. You can’t have any idea how much you mean to me.
You are everything that I ever wanted. You’re more than that. I’m absolutely crazy about you. You’re all I think about. You’re in every breath I take, in every word I speak, every move that I make. Your soul is so deeply intertwined with mine that I can feel your heart beating when you’re 40 miles away. You are the most beautiful person that I have ever met. You make me want to be a better person. Not only for myself, but for you. I want to be the best you’ve ever had. In every single way. I want to be so far out of the norm, that you have nothing to compare me to. I want to treat you in such a way that you feel how heavily my heart is bleeding for you. Words are just words, but this feeling, this longing, this power that has come over me, it’s so much more than just a feeling. It’s a knowing. A knowing that with you I can become so much more, so much better, so much stronger than I ever could without you. Knowing that just by breathing in your air, and being in your presence, that I am a better person.
I feel like I’ve known you all my life. And we both know the opposite is the reality. But in all honesty, I’ve built a closeness to you that I’ve never experienced before. Even after years of building. I guess what I’m really trying to express is thank you. I want you to know you’re appreciated. Every, little, thing- that you do for me, none of it goes unnoticed. You’ve shown that my generosity in the beginning was not in vain. I’m trying to be so much better. I hope you see it. I’m trying to tame my anxiety. I’m trying to tame the scars of my abuse. I’m trying to rise above this plague that I let myself enter into. But in that voyage, things are starting to arise. So if I start crying for no reason, like I did the other night, just hold me as close as you can until we both fall asleep. I feel so safe and comforted in your arms. I literally feel home, as cliche as it sounds.
Your love makes me feel better than I ever had. I will be better. I will do better. I will be your perfect woman, one day. I know I’m not there yet. I know. And I’m working. I’m working on it for you. I want to be everything I can possibly be, and I want that everything to be yours. I love you. I love you. I love you. You are my entire world. You are my everything.